头脑风暴?亮点挖掘?51offer金牌文书顾问贺新花打造优质专属文书的秘籍

2022-06-09 阅读:10185 来源:51offer.com
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顾问姓名:Daisy 贺新花

顾问简介:51offer金牌文书顾问,英语专业八级,雅思写作7.5,从事文书写作工作5年+,其出色的沟通能力、写作水平广受学生好评。在文书写作中,Daisy老师善于站在学生的角度去思考问题,挖掘学生经历中的闪光点,凸显自身的优势和独特性。其文书风格会根据学生的经历而进行相应变化,文笔流畅自然,条理清晰且严谨。服务过的学生无一不夸赞其耐心、细心、专业!

擅长领域:英、澳、新、港等多国/地区本科、硕士文书写作

案例分享

案例A

IC - 林同学

林同学在南京就读本科,专业是生物科学类(生态方向),意向申请生物多样性、生态保护相关专业,目标院校IC和UCL。

在了解了林同学的学术背景和个人经历后,Daisy老师和林同学进行了语音沟通,对两个学校的文书写作进行了头脑风暴。经过一番沟通,Daisy老师提出了一个写作框架,林同学表示非常认同。

基于头脑风暴的沟通,Daisy老师在后续的文书写作中以林同学小时候热爱阅读各种自然相关的书籍和观看生物保护的纪录片引出兴趣来源,层层深入,阐述了林同学学习生物学的学术梦。然后延着这一条主线,继而描述了林同学在本科期间为深造而做的各种准备,如努力学习获得优异的成绩,抓住每一个机会去参加科研、实地考察、环保和生物多样性保护、全球变暖等主题志愿者活动,以及实习等,把课堂所学到的知识运用到实践中,在实践中加深了对自然界的认识,提高了专业技能和软实力。

Daisy 老师凭借深厚的文书写作功底将林同学的留学动机、个人经历和优势、与目标课程的匹配程度、职业规划等以清晰的结构和严密的逻辑展现出来,最终,功夫不负有心人,林同学圆了IC梦,同时还拿到了UCL的offer。

PS中的一个片段:

My exceptional performance in daily study and all sorts of classroom learning activities captured the attention of our academic staff, and thus I was invited to join their research projects and recommended by them to other research groups in which our school's graduate and doctoral students were carrying out various research projects on ecology studies and species conservation. In the summer of 2019, I had the privilege to shadow the graduate students of the Lab of Animal Behavior and Conservation to study the social network of Pere David's deer in Dafeng Milu National Nature Reserves Jiangsu China. One-month up-close observation led us to a good grasp of the daily activities, living habits and mating patterns of Pere David's deer, and the role of Pere David's deer in an ecosystem; and what's more, the data we gathered on the above aspects offered a firm foundation for the implementation of our practical research. Admittedly, the experience bestowed a distinct opportunity upon me to fathom the symbiotic ecological model of forest, grass, water, deer and bird and the complete Pere David's deer ecosystem, as well as delve into the local ecological construction, species protection and rational utilization of natural resources. At the same time, I got a glimpse of some problems in the National Nature Reserves, like simplex method of species conservation and indifference to the development of the whole ecosystem, all of which set me thinking on how to construct a complete food chain and manage the Cascade Effect in the National Nature Reserves. It was this experience that hardened my determination to commit to ecological and biodiversity conservation. In addition, I elevated my skills in experimental design and implementation, data statistics and analysis, as well as ability to pay close attention to details and research capability by assisting doctoral students of Lab of Animal Behavior and Conservation to study the asymmetry in Eriocheir sinensis. Most importantly, the paper, Signs of Claw Asymmetry Appear in a Homochelate Crab co-written by the team and me was indexed by SCI (Science Citation Index).

林同学在各个方面出色的表面赢得了老师们的青睐,从而获得了难得的机会跟随他们做研究项目,有一篇研究论文还被SCI 收录了。不仅如此,他还在Dafeng Milu National Nature Reserves Jiangsu China进行实践实习,这段经历给予他的不仅仅是专业知识和技能的收获,还有对自然保护区存在一些问题的思考,也进一步坚定了林同学致力于生物多样性保护的决心。

案例B

UCL - 徐同学

徐同学就读于大连的一所大学,本科专业为应用化学(中外合作办学),均分84,计划申请化学相关硕士专业,最终录取的院校有UCL、新加坡国立大学爱丁堡大学、香港科技大学。

在文书写作中,Daisy 老师将徐同学小时候参观表哥的个人实验室这一经历放在开头段来引出徐同学的兴趣来源,继而通过同学的学术收获、本科专业的特色、实验经验、实习经历一一凸显学生是有能力去攻读化学硕士学位,Daisy 老师妙笔生花,用生动的表达将一个上进、好学、注重把所学到的专业知识运用到实践的学生呈现给了招生官。

PS中的部分片段:

My first exposure to chemistry was when I was 9 years old. My cousin ecstatically invited me to have a visit to his "Chemistry Lab", where the different shapes of bottles and many-hued reagents and drugs instantly drew my eyes, and I marveled at how a small piece of silver-white solid (sodium (Na)) quickly turned into a fast-moving ball floating on the water surface after being put into the water. This is where my budding interest in chemistry comes from, and after that, I grew to love to analyse the ingredient list of all kinds of stuff, like facial cream, cleansing cream, sodas and health care products, and envisage how different functional groups can react, and what happens. I also studied extremely hard in high school, with a view to getting into a chemistry-related undergraduate programme. 

类似一个故事的写作方式牵出学生对chemistry 的兴趣。

Quite frankly, I relish doing chemical experiments either alone or with my team in the lab to analyse and test all kinds of compounds, and then employ research findings to create new compounds that are useful in many aspects of human life or find a new, more efficient process to use for the production of an established product. Giving full play to what I have learnt to do something good for humanity, like addressing water contamination problems, always gives me a sense of fulfillment. This dedication spirit also impels me to take an active part in chemical projects or experiments initiated by our professors, and in college students' innovation projects. One of my practical highlights was that I led my team to successfully synthesize a new-type photosensitive MOFs material available for targeted therapy.

一个化学从业者往往具备出色实验能力,而这一段的撰写不仅表现了徐同学具有实验经验同时也展现了作为一名化学从业人员的初衷——奉献,让这个世界变得更好。

部分学生评价

标签: 留学专家秀 英国G5 留学个人陈述 发布于:2022-6-09 16:59 51offer编辑:Nancy